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| Paul and I on a DATE 1989 |
A few days ago I witnessed something that made me upset. No, it made me really mad. My husband and I were taking our daughter
back up to college and as we weaved past the other apartments and entered her
apartment I beheld a very strange sight that apparently is all too common. Her roommate was perched on the arm of the
sofa and there were two guys in the room .
One was entertaining himself by playing a guitar and the other was
merely sitting on the other sofa. The
TV wasn’t on, there were no games being played.... nothing but apathy and lack of assertiveness was present in the room. The guys were just there to occupy space and
be entertained by this young lady. It probably would not have bothered me as much
if it hadn’t been a Friday night. Why,
you may ask, am I so upset about two guys hanging out with a girl on a Friday
night? Because Friday and Saturday
nights are for having fun, getting out, and doing something….. more
specifically, an old fashioned thing we grown-ups like to refer to as DATING. That something that allows people to make
memories and figure out life’s possibilities, and create something to look
forward to or have fun reminiscing on when it is over. .
From the look on the roommates face it was clear that she
was trapped into spending the evening entertaining her guests. How had she gotten herself into this
babysitting gig? How sad it was to see
that a beautiful and fun girl wouldn’t have the chance to do anything exciting that evening… or really any foreseeable
evening in the future. Trapped in her
own apartment and not even allowed to relax and enjoy spending time alone
.
I had to resist the urge to address the young
men and ask which one of them was going to man up and take this girl out on the
town for the evening. I kind of wish now that I had said something….
at least to the roommate, I want to say
that allowing boys you have no interest in to “hang out” will not get you
anywhere in the dating world. Just like
dogs marking their territory to keep other dogs away, the mere presence of the
boys will keep the men from coming around, because how are the men to know what your feelings are? All they see is you spending time with
someone and they jump to conclusions that you are in a relationship and
unavailable.
I have thought about this a lot over the past few months
since my daughter started college and began to complain about the “hang out”
culture. She was very lucky this last
week to have a real date….. a one-on-one date where he picked her up and had a
day of adventure. Now, that’s a Man for
you. Whether or not anything happens
with that relationship has yet to be seen, but
she will always remember the adventure.
With the internet there are so many ways that great dates
could come to pass.. I feel like the younger people are not taking advantage of
the numerous resources that could enrich their lives.
Guys: If asking a girl what she might like to do seems too
hard… just Pinterest stalk her to see what she is passionate about. Not sure how to dress or have questions about
grooming? http://www.artofmanliness.com/
Girls… drop a few more hints if you are interested in
someone. Learn how to present
yourself. The internet and you-tube are
full of helpful hints on clothing, makeup and relationships.
Most of all remember that you are young and should be having
fun!
For more information on
Dating versus Hanging out see the articles below
